confessions of the day

I was reading a blog written by a friend, and had an epiphany. My blogs are pretty pointless and shallow. Hers were so... deep and meaningful. Oh well. I guess I just wasn't meant for profoundness.

Today I woke up at 7:45am, which as of late is a record. I was so proud to actually get out of bed and go work out, do homework, etc. It was a beautiful feeling, and something I am not used to. Lately I have been going to sleep around 1-2am, waking up around 10-11, and taking a 3 hour nap in the afternoon/evening. That is SO not good. Practically 12 hours sleeping per day? So I am going cold turkey.

I just ate spinach and tomato pizza. Spinach isn't a good thing to have stuck in your teeth, just a little piece of advice for you in the future.

I am missing the Netherlands a lot lately. The longing to just go back come and go. Its a piece of my life I can't ever get back. I can just look back fondly as I press into the future. Its so hard sometimes to look to the future. What will I do? Where will I live? I know these questions are present in just about everyone's life, but at this critical point in mine I am often overwhelmed with the prospect of my future actually coming about. I will turn 20 this year. That's so old. That's halfway to 40, which is pretty much halfway dead. So I am 1/4 of the way and what have I done? I have a lot left to accomplish.

I want to travel the world. I want to go everywhere. I want to help people. I want to be smarter and I want to work hard at school. But I am so lazy its unbelievable. Its not that I want to be lazy. I honestly don't. But momentarily I always make the wrong choice. I can read this book for my civ class, or I can watch a TV show. Or even less obvious. I can study german now, or I can put it off and do my laundry. I justify procrastinating every single day of my life, and that has GOT to stop.