Time to think/Summary

These past couple of weeks have given me a chance to take a step back and think about what is really important in my life. I am working on being more service minded and reaching out to others despite the fact that my life isn't exactly easy. In all honesty, nobody's life is truly easy. It just wasn't meant to be that way. There are inevitably ups and downs, but because we have friends, family, and most importantly, God to depend on, we can make it through those times and come out stronger in the end. I want to be the type of friend, sister, daughter, etc. that can be trusted to be there when needed. I want to fulfill my role as a friend to the utmost of my capacity, putting the needs of others above my own when appropriate.

This task in and of itself is a daunting one. It means that I have to put away my selfishness and look to others as Christ would see them. It means to develop charity. I think that I am starting to understand faith and hope, but charity is sometimes an elusive concept to me. How can we really 1. love others like Christ loved them, 2. develop love FOR Christ, and 3. understand how much we are loved by Him? I am of the opinion that there isn't anyone you couldn't love once you've heard their story. Because our Heavenly Father knows all of our stories, better than we even do, He can love us perfectly because he knows us perfectly.


And as for the other stuff going on in my life--

Quick Summary: On Wednesday Cody had his show at Dew, which was pretty fun. Afterwards we went to IHOP. That reminds me, I want to throw another INOP party soon... Thursday we threw Vanessa a surprise birthday party up in the canyon somewhere, and Cody got hit in the head when a branch fell on him. Hannah and I took him to the ER to get the puncture wound glued up... it made for quite an adventurous night. He's completely fine now, no worries. On Friday I went and hiked the Y again with Alison, Ryan, and JilliAnne. They are putting down more dirt on the trail right now so it was soft and on the way down we (mostly JilliAnne and me) were slipping a lot. Afterwards I made dinner (Chicken Tikka Masala... YUMMMM) and then we went to a house party where Nam was DJing. Saturday I went to a hot springs, it was gorgeous. I wish I had taken my camera so I could put up some pictures. Next time...

My life is being filled with wonderful things. I have great friends, and despite disappointments and difficulties... things are really good: without the bad you can't know the good. Life is wonderful.

Love

Em and I were talking about talents today, and what talents we possess and how we can use those talents to help/serve others. Not only is it very difficult to identify them, but using them productively is also especially hard for me. Lots of thoughts on that subject, but I'll save them for my personal journal. Still-- it is something good to think about.

This conversation also led me to start thinking about what I love in life. I know I've made various lists before on this subject, but tonight I wanted to make a new list.

tonight I love/am thankful for:

the smell of rain on concrete
the sound of rain
the way the sun feels on my skin
my parents
learning lessons
having people I can trust/depend on
service
good examples in my life
optimism
hugs. good, bad, awkward... all of them.
knowing that God loves me
knowing that God loves everybody else just as much
feeling safe
being able to dance
dancing in the rain
being able to turn on a light switch and have light
windshield wipers
pajamas
computers and cell phones
pictures
medicine


Another random thought:

even if it isn't what we want or what we think we need, it is our obligation to help others and serve them... loving them as we love ourselves especially when that is the hardest thing to do.

a day in the life.

Out of groceries. Well, not exactly. I have some food, but I just don't want to eat what I have. So today, I will probably do a little of this...


And then some of this:
And of course, more of this:

Looks like its going to be a great day!!

another whirlwind of a week

Wow. I love/hate my life. Fri-Sun last week were excellent despite some inevitable drama. Monday was fantastic, work went by quickly and I spent the evening catching up with Andrea. Tuesday took Cody to the airport, worked, worked out, and listened to Nam on the radio. Wednesday was good too, but that is expected because Wednesdays are my new temple days. I also went swimming in the evening, which was fun but a little on the cold side.

Then Thursday came. I wish I could just skip over and erase Thursday from my life, but I can't and now I'm going to have to deal with it somehow. I took a walk last night and ended up wandering around Provo for a good 2 hours or so. I don't know whether I am more angry or hurt, but I know that it can be taken away from me. I just need to let it go, but that is what is really the hardest thing for me to do right now. And on top of that I am frustrated with multiple people in my life. And I miss my sister-- she was always there for me when I needed her and would love me and make time for me and listen to me no matter what. So Rachel, if you read this... I miss you a lot and wish you were here... or I was in Ghana with you guys... that would be even better!! :)

Thoughts

Once again, I am having to take a few steps back from reality and look at my life from an alternative perspective. What is ultimately important, what is real and what isn't, what I need to do/be, how I need to approach various challenges and setbacks in my life, what kind of person I want to be, what kind of friend I am to others, what kind of friends are real, how much trust I should give to people, where will the things I do now lead, how can I be more forgiving, how do you move on when you are hurt, how can I be more patient, what do I want out of life, in what order do I value different aspects of my life: these are all questions that I have been thinking a lot about. I don't have the time or capacity to expound on each of them here, but for a few I will give you some semblance of my thoughts.

What kinds of friends are real?
Tonight I spent some time with my friend Andrea. I haven't been spending as much time with her as I would have liked lately. One thing I notice about Andrea is her ability to care about others. Even when I have silly little problems, she cares. It is so Christlike... the way she is able to take the time to pause and listen even though her life is busy. She realizes the needs of others and is willing to put them over her own. That is truly a gift-- which brings me to my next question...

What kind of person do I want to be?
I want to be the type of person who tries to see things from the perspective of others. I was talking to Cody today and noticed during the course of the conversation I said "I am/am not the type of person that (fill in the blank)" several times. The thing I think is so interesting about this statement is that it should go without saying. I want to be able to show through my actions that I care about others. I hope I do that, but it worries me because I feel like sometimes people don't recognize my motivations. I don't want to cause hurt, I just want to do the right thing.

Things I need to do/be
be patient, understanding, hopeful, and faithful. exercise more self control, help others more, be more christlike, learn to recognize the challenges others face and do everything I can to help them, especially when it is difficult for me to do so. I don't/can't understand the complexities of life, but by moving forward with faith I know things will be alright in the end.



I am listening to Life is Wonderful by Jason Mraz right now.. over and over and over again. My favorite lines are-- "it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to know what love is" and "it takes some silence to make sound" With these lines in mind, I remember that life is a process. It will take more than a lifetime to understand it. It is also impossible to enjoy the good parts of life without going through the bad. I sometimes get caught up in the things that are going wrong, when really I should be concentrating beyond myself.

I need to develop the kind of perspective that a few examples from my life are showing me:

I have a close friend from high school who has been fighting cancer for a little over a year now. He is so positive despite all the many setbacks. I hope when I go home in a few weeks that I will be able to visit him. I am praying that the doctors will be able to cure him, but things aren't looking good now.. they don't know what else to do. And he still looks forward with hope.

I have a couple of other close friends whose families are having difficulties. My friends are facing these very different challenges, but both of them are going forward with their lives with faith and understanding that things will work out in the end. God knows us, and He takes care of us.. He also loves us beyond anything we can comprehend.

So life is wonderful. Life requires change and uncertainty, but without these things we cannot enjoy how wonderful life really is.

Tomorrow morning I am going to take Cody to the airport, but I can't sleep yet even though I should. I think I just needed to sort through some of these thoughts before I went to bed. And now I have. Life is wonderful.

California!

BRIEF SUMMARY OF THE WEEKEND: This past weekend Ryan and Nam were DJing a party in Orange County, so a bunch of us traveled down to party and go to the beach. It was a blast!! :) We left Thursday afternoon at around 1, and stayed the night with Alison's family. The next day was full of shopping, sushi, and then the dance party in the evening/night (from 6:30-midnight). We stayed the next two nights at Ryan's mom's house, and including their kids there were 15 of us sleeping there. Luckily us girls had our own room with super comfy bunk beds. Saturday we went to the beach and by the time night rolled around everyone was exhausted and we stayed at home playing rock band and talking etc. Sunday we split up and Emily, Ryan and I stayed with his family for church before heading back to Provo. The rest of the group headed to Alison's for Mother's day dinner. Sunday afternoon/night we drove home and finally made it back at around 5 AMish. phew.

i love my life.

Stopped for some In-N-Out in St. George

Sushi in Pasedena

With Emily and Nam at Sushi

Ryan DJing at Lost Connection 2009

Cody dancing + cool light

cold... but at the beach!!

We wanted to see what Zzyzx road was. Literally the road to nowhere.

Ryan and me (+Emily's hand) on the drive home stuck in traffic

Stopped in at Baker to see the worlds tallest thermometer.

Look what I found in Juvies!!

:) made my day

This past week was intense. It was fun, difficult, enlightening, interesting, sad, painful, hilarious, +insert almost any other adjective here. Thursday night I spent some time with Rachel. I don't think I have quite gotten used to the fact that she and Peter are leaving for Ghana so soon. I will miss them even though I don't see them a ton as it is now. She called me the other day and asked me if I would take care of her sea monkeys while she is gone. ??? ok. I didn't even know what they were/looked like until I googled it. Cool stuff.





So I'll have some sea monkeys this summer. You all should stop by and see them.


After a nice long walk with Rachel, Alison called me to go with her to some thing Nam was DJing at. She wasn't quite sure about what it was, but we stopped by for a while. Nam = Electro. Event = Beehive Bazaar. Beehive Bazaar= some kind of craft show thing. apparently some old lady asked Nam if he could play some music that wouldn't give her a heart attack.

and they were selling fake cupcakes. For $5. really???

Yesterday was good. Today was even better. There was a CES fireside tonight and Elder Bednar spoke. There were some things I can definitely apply in my life. I got my phone back from Emily, I spent time with good friends, and ate some delicious food.

and that's life. :)