catch up x2

Grades came out yesterday. I was preparing myself for worse than I did, so it wasn't absolutely horrible. I got my first C of college (I had been prepping myself for three C's), and have decided to use this past semester as a learning experience.
I've definitely changed a lot in the past year, hopefully for the better. At least I think it was for the better in general. Of course I still have my challenges and bad days, but overall life is really good.

I was being melodramatic about some stuff (not grades.. I was ready for them) yesterday and once I got my perspective back I realized a few things.

First: I am absolutely positive, certain without a doubt that Heavenly Father puts people into our lives for reasons. Friends and family are invaluable to our success as individuals throughout our lives. I can learn something from everyone I know. We're all in this together, and we need each other to encourage, validate, and strengthen us. So thank you. You guys should know who you are, no names necessary.

Second: There are so many things we have to be grateful for. Good friends are way up there on my list.

Third: I have been thinking about past friends. Even if people treat you like crap you can learn something from them. I am learning to not care what people think about me (in the process) as long as I am doing what I know is right. I am learning to trust people. I am learning to treat other people better. I think I'm getting to the point where I can see the value in everyone. I wish I could go back and apologize to a few people from my past. I wish I could change some stuff I did. I wish I could be a better person. But the only thing that matters about these situations/friendships is that I am not going to repeat them or let them overshadow the present or the future.





I also added a few hours to my work schedule for the summer-- so I'll be working 30 hours per week. I am going to California in a week (party + beach!!). I am getting sick, so hopefully by then I'll be better: lots of sleep and healthy food should do the trick. Trying to keep a positive attitude even though I feel nasty. :/

so... piece of advice: Keep smiling. and keep brushing your teeth. :)

catch up

It has been a very interesting past couple of weeks. I can't describe everything that has happened, but short synopsis is:

end of semester+finals
family in town
fun times with friends

It was really great to be able to see my family... Rebecca and I get along really well now, which is an improvement from when I was still living at home (I don't know if this would be true if i were actually STILL living at home). Rachel and Peter are leaving in a couple of weeks for Ghana. I need to get my Brazil visa paperwork filled out and sent in. Anna seems to be doing okay being home schooled. and life moves forward.

I still haven't entirely caught up on my sleep/life yet, but am definitely moving in that direction. I am trying to not worry about things as much as I do, and learning patience is helping me with that. I was reading in preach my gospel last night about patience, and it said something that will help me a lot I think. "Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated, or anxious. It is the ability to do God's will and accept His timing." Was this book written for me??? Wow. It's interesting how He puts us in positions for us to learn what we need to-- even if I'm not enjoying this lesson too much, it is interesting how things always work out in a way where we can learn from them.

Lara and I spent today going grocery shopping, talking, and sleeping. It was really good for her (and for me as well) to have a break and just take a day to relax. This evening I went to V's apt and watched Baby Mama. Fun stuff :) But now I am incredibly exhausted for some reason and am heading to bed.

weekend, worry, and Wilbur

I don't even know what to write today. I just know that I want to write, but I don't know how to say what I should say.

Summary of the weekend: kind of fun, and non-productive. Friday I went to the temple and then to an Easter party some girls in my ward were throwing. It was pretty fun. We made home-made pretzels as well.. thanks to Emma they were amazing. Cody was there and convinced me to go to an event Nam and another of the EDP djs were doing. I've been thinking for a few weeks now that I need to take a little break from going dancing every single weekend, but it ended up being pretty fun and I'm glad he dragged me out so I didn't end up being anti-social... even though I guess I'd already been to one party that night so it wouldn't have been so bad.

Saturday I had a cleaning check, took a nap, and hung out with my roommates all evening. Uninteresting, but much needed. Sunday (today) was Easter and my ward had leftover pig (they named it Wilbur) from the ward luau on Saturday. The guys from the White House next door were throwing a little party and the meat was delicious. I took a quick nap, made some garlic mashed potatoes, and headed to Alison's for Easter dinner, which was also delicious.

Overall it was a great weekend. However, in my spare time throughout the weekend I thought about stuff:


1. I am being perceived by some in a way that I don't necessarily like and it's entirely my on fault.
2. I don't like working on this whole thing called 'patience.'
3. I worry too much.
4. I procrastinate too much.
5. I need to get more sleep.
6. I am starting to feel stagnant.
7. I need to figure out how to stop feeling like that.
8. I am really blessed.
9. I just want to do things the right way.
10. I worry that I'm not doing things right.
11. I realized people (including myself.. which I hadn't really realized before) are much more insecure than we would ever care to admit.

:)

I have my first final tomorrow-- and I'm actually feeling okay about it. I am doing pretty well in that class and I like it. This weekend is going to be difficult though. I have to do a bunch of work to do on my GIS final project. I also have three papers to write and 2 other geography labs to finish up. Not that I am complaining. Things are really good. I came to the realization that 10 years from now it won't matter too much if I got a C in a couple of classes. I'm not going to give up in school, but I also shouldn't stress myself out too much over it either. Its about time I start enjoying and living my life.

I also am missing Oregon just a bit. It is so pretty there... (1) Redland, (2) Anna and goats, (3) Temple grounds

new resolve

My slope layer is being "executed" (whatever that means) on my GIS at the Mapeology Lab, and it's taking forever. So I was reading Mar's aunt's blog, which I do from time to time. It is fascinating in its honesty and hilarity and pain and growth. I came across this post. I have a new resolve to not let things get me down (like yesterday). Life is hard sometimes, but you know... that's okay. It wasn't meant to be easy, it's a test. My favorite line from this post is this, "Maybe if life were perfect, I wouldn’t be able to discover how blessed I am."

too true, Brie. thanks for the perspective.

yeahhhh this might be deleted when I'm thinking more clearly

ughhhhhhh. just found out about some unwanted, unnecessary, immature, and previously unknown drama in my life.

As if there wasn't enough bothering me today-- completed term paper not being saved, losing data for my geography final project, $ issues to deal with, weird cough thing starting up, etc etc. Feeling bad about someone hating me, feeling bad because people shouldn't be pressured to do anything if they don't friggin want to, feeling bad because I don't know a. who to trust, and b. how to even trust myself sometimes. I don't always know what I think, what I want, what I know, what I feel. I am still trying to figure it out, and that's tough enough without people meddling in my life.

I know I need to just keep a positive attitude, but right now its kind of hard. And I just want to stop talking to people. Nobody gets it. Nobody. People know so little and think they know so much! (I have to admit, unfortunately myself included sometimes) So I'm probably going to shut some people out. I want to crawl into a hole and die.

actually not really. things are overall really REALLY good-- I just need to keep stuff in perspective and realize it doesn't matter what other people say about me. But I care about what other people think, not that I WANT to care or that I SHOULD care. I just do and I don't know how to change that.

Yeah... didn't help

still :/

meh.

Everything will be better after a nap

Word of warning: I'm feeling unusuably pessimistic today. It's unfortunate because honestly, things have been going really well for me lately..... except for school.... I'm burnt out. I dropped all my classes for spring term so I can take some time for myself to figure out a few things. I need to get my focus back before I plunge back into school. I'll also be working 30 hrs/week which will make life difficult if I am taking classes, not to mention doing church stuff, volunteering, hanging out with friends, and working out on a regular basis.

But back to the present. I think my real problem lately has been motivation. People do what they care most about. I set my priorities based on what matters to me-- and right now, for pretty much the first time in my life, school is getting pushed a bit to the side. It bothers me that I am allowing myself to put other things above it. Well, church is above it but that is how its always been. The real issue is that I've been putting friends above school. It wouldn't be so bad if I had an unlimited supply of time, but I don't. I can't neglect work, I can't neglect at least a little bit of sleep, and I can't seem to neglect my friends in order to do better in my classes. There are only six days (incl. today) left, and it seems like the end will never come. I can't give up now, but I just want to. I want to give up on everything today. EVERYTHING .

I guess thats part of my problem: I can't do everything. I want to. I really want to, but it's just not humanly possible. And because of that limitation I feel inadequate at everything I am attempting to do.

--ok, I said what I wanted to say and now im done with the angsty part of my blog. sorry bout that. .. dang. there I go apologizing again.

I talked to my Dad yesterday about life and stuff, and he suggested taking a scuba class somewhere so I can get certified. It sounds like a blast. I've wanted to for a while so I will be certified when I travel. He also supported my decision to not take classes this summer- when he was in college he rushed through year-round to graduate quickly and wishes he had spent more time just enjoying college. I think that's one thing I need to realize. I need to take the time to enjoy the journey. One thing I want to do this summer is hike. I also want to take a road trip back to Oregon, and maybe another down to California. I'll also be going to Brazil for a couple of weeks in July. This summer has so much to offer. I shouldn't be so pessimistic, and I should stop overthinking everything and just take it easy. So new resolve: take it easy this summer. Stop worrying so much. and sleep. I want to get lots of sleep.

the little things

It's the little things in life that make it so worthwhile--


One of my favorite classes this semester is my map use and interpretation class. Professor Hardin is hilarious and super chill. However, sometimes he starts taking off his fleece jacket thing and forgets about it in the middle of the process...



I work at the library. It is tedious at times, but the view from my floor makes it all worth it.

Wow.

more good things:

having a joint Boba card with V at Dew
the rain today. it reminded me of Oregon
being able to go to sleep at a decent hour tonight
fliering. I don't think that's a real word
nice text messages
almond butter + honey on toast
being able to focus on my HW
being practically done with Fellowing for the semester
warm showers
going to the temple
dance parties

life.

oh life. it's good.