Thoughts

Once again, I am having to take a few steps back from reality and look at my life from an alternative perspective. What is ultimately important, what is real and what isn't, what I need to do/be, how I need to approach various challenges and setbacks in my life, what kind of person I want to be, what kind of friend I am to others, what kind of friends are real, how much trust I should give to people, where will the things I do now lead, how can I be more forgiving, how do you move on when you are hurt, how can I be more patient, what do I want out of life, in what order do I value different aspects of my life: these are all questions that I have been thinking a lot about. I don't have the time or capacity to expound on each of them here, but for a few I will give you some semblance of my thoughts.

What kinds of friends are real?
Tonight I spent some time with my friend Andrea. I haven't been spending as much time with her as I would have liked lately. One thing I notice about Andrea is her ability to care about others. Even when I have silly little problems, she cares. It is so Christlike... the way she is able to take the time to pause and listen even though her life is busy. She realizes the needs of others and is willing to put them over her own. That is truly a gift-- which brings me to my next question...

What kind of person do I want to be?
I want to be the type of person who tries to see things from the perspective of others. I was talking to Cody today and noticed during the course of the conversation I said "I am/am not the type of person that (fill in the blank)" several times. The thing I think is so interesting about this statement is that it should go without saying. I want to be able to show through my actions that I care about others. I hope I do that, but it worries me because I feel like sometimes people don't recognize my motivations. I don't want to cause hurt, I just want to do the right thing.

Things I need to do/be
be patient, understanding, hopeful, and faithful. exercise more self control, help others more, be more christlike, learn to recognize the challenges others face and do everything I can to help them, especially when it is difficult for me to do so. I don't/can't understand the complexities of life, but by moving forward with faith I know things will be alright in the end.



I am listening to Life is Wonderful by Jason Mraz right now.. over and over and over again. My favorite lines are-- "it takes no time to fall in love, but it takes years to know what love is" and "it takes some silence to make sound" With these lines in mind, I remember that life is a process. It will take more than a lifetime to understand it. It is also impossible to enjoy the good parts of life without going through the bad. I sometimes get caught up in the things that are going wrong, when really I should be concentrating beyond myself.

I need to develop the kind of perspective that a few examples from my life are showing me:

I have a close friend from high school who has been fighting cancer for a little over a year now. He is so positive despite all the many setbacks. I hope when I go home in a few weeks that I will be able to visit him. I am praying that the doctors will be able to cure him, but things aren't looking good now.. they don't know what else to do. And he still looks forward with hope.

I have a couple of other close friends whose families are having difficulties. My friends are facing these very different challenges, but both of them are going forward with their lives with faith and understanding that things will work out in the end. God knows us, and He takes care of us.. He also loves us beyond anything we can comprehend.

So life is wonderful. Life requires change and uncertainty, but without these things we cannot enjoy how wonderful life really is.

Tomorrow morning I am going to take Cody to the airport, but I can't sleep yet even though I should. I think I just needed to sort through some of these thoughts before I went to bed. And now I have. Life is wonderful.