Running

This week has been pretty interesting. Rachel and Peter arrived last Saturday, Grandma, Granddad, and Aunt Liz on Monday, and today Brett and Stacy and their kids will come in the afternoon! Anna and Katie were baptized on Tuesday. It was really beautiful. Then the next day, Wednesday, I had my fondue party with Boo. It was interesting.

Highlights of the night:

An old friend made a really rude comment to me about something I said. She was probably right, but very improper of her to do so, it was one of those moments that needed diffusing. Alyssa did well to change the subject because both of us were upset. And so that got me in a pretty bad mood and I didn't want to talk to her or hear her speak. But she's the type of person who is always talking. And lucky me, then a whole bunch of people arrived and I was still brooding. After being a bad hostess for another hour or so, she left, but then the people I really wanted to talk to also left at about the same time. I didn't want to invite about half the people we invited because in all honesty I don't really know them, they are friends with each other and with Boo, but its not fun for me to hang out with them because they all are in this group and I am not a part of it. So I left at 10. Its not that I didn't have a good time. There were points where I really did, but if we had invited the people I wanted to, I am almost positive that I would have had a much better time. I want to spend some time with people this weekend but since my family is in town, I won't be able to at all. We're booked solid for the entire weekend.

However, I am sure Boo and I will have one at Christmas. Maybe I'll just have a Christmas party and invite whoever I want to come. I think I could throw a rad Christmas Party. But my group of friends left in Oregon City is quickly diminishing, not that I mind so much in a lot of instances. Isn't that sad to admit? I want to stay friends with a very select few people here, and that's it. Its just not worth it to me to work hard to keep up friendships that don't mean much to me, or with people I can't really stand to be around.

I guess this is just a bit of an emo blog because I am sad about the way the party turned out. They are always SO good!! SO GOOD. but not this one, because people are dumb and annoying. And I am socially retarded when I am around certain people. It really gets to me. I just keep thinking 'what if' and etc etc until I am about to explode mentally and I can't even focus on normal little things. I find it so much easier to be at ease at BYU. I can't wait to get back and get away. At the same time I can't help but feel that I am running away from something here. I am running, but I don't care because that's the only thing I know how to do.